Balkan Breakdown: 17 Days, 5 Countries, 1 Family with the "meat sweats"
- Jess
- Aug 4
- 8 min read
Updated: Aug 17
Or: How we accidentally became Balkan road trip legends (and why your family should too)
Trip Stats That'll Make You Want to Pack Right Now
🗓 17 days of pure adventure
📍 Croatia, Bosnia, Montenegro, Serbia, Romania (aka the greatest hits you've never heard of)👟 10+ cities and towns (some we can't even pronounce)
📸 3,128 photos (don't worry, I'll only torture you with the best ones)
📦 Custom Balkan travel itinerary by: Yours truly
You think you've done "off the beaten path" travel — and then you're white-knuckling it through a mountain pass in Montenegro with zero guardrails, your kid's asking for Wi-Fi like it's a basic human right, and the only thing in your rearview mirror is a donkey who's judging your driving skills.
This trip was wild. Intense. Gorgeous. And honestly? Probably one of our favorites ever.
Here's what happened with zero sugar-coating and all the insider secrets you actually need.
Split, Croatia: Where Roman Ruins Meet Instagram Dreams
We flew into Split to kick off this whole adventure, and let me tell you — Split is like that friend who's chaotic but somehow always looks amazing. Picture this: 1,700-year-old Roman ruins casually hanging out next to trendy cafes, boat tours that look like they were designed by the tourism gods, and Adriatic views so stunning you'll question if your camera is broken or if Croatia is just showing off.
And then we got hit with the biggest hail storm the city's had in a century....
Anywhooooo, once that cleared we rebooked our chartered cruise.
The Pro Move: We started with a Blue Lagoon tour (yes, it's touristy, yes, it's still absolutely worth it), then tuk tuk'd the Riva promenade like we owned the place. Pro tip: The best gelato is here in Split. I will die on this hill.
But here's where our trip went from good to legendary. Our driver Nicci from Luxury Balkan picked us up for what we thought would be a simple transfer to Mostar, Bosnia. Plot twist: This man didn't just drive us — he adopted us. He knew every shortcut, every Instagram-worthy overlook, and had that rare "instant family member" energy that you usually only get from golden retrievers. The border crossing was smooth and uneventful.
The Unexpected Gold: Nicci took us to this waterfall park called Kravica. Trust me when I say it was the kind of lush, green paradise that makes you wish Florida had waterfalls too.
Mostar, Bosnia: One Bridge, Infinite Meat Platters
We rolled into Mostar with exactly zero expectations and left as full-fledged evangelists. This town is small enough to walk in an hour, scenic enough to photograph for three, and so steeped in history that every cobblestone has a story.
The Food Situation: Remember that scene in every food show where the host takes one bite and their eyes roll back? That was us with Mostar's meat platter. Cevapi, it's ubiquitous, and amazing nearly everywhere we had it. I'm talking about the kind of meal that ruins you for chain restaurants forever. Layers of perfectly grilled meats, We ate like medieval kings (affordably) and regretted nothing.
There were a lot of bees. Do what you want with that info.
Stari Most Reality Check: Yes, the famous bridge is beautiful. Yes, there were brave (or crazy) locals jumping off it into the Neretva River. And yes, I gasped audibly every single time. But the real magic happened wandering through Old Town, getting lost in the bazaar, and sipping Bosnian jetfuel while watching life happen along the river.
Game Changer Alert: This is where we picked up our rental car and transitioned from "guided tourists" to "independent adventurers" (aka thrill seekers).
Durmitor National Park: Where Bob Ross Painted Mountains
Next stop: Montenegro's Durmitor region, where we stayed in an A-frame cabin so perfectly nestled in the mountains that it looked like a fairy tale illustration. I'm talking about the kind of scenery that makes you understand why people become nature photographers.
Black Lake: The Main Event Hiking around Black Lake felt like we'd accidentally stumbled through a wardrobe into Narnia. The air was crisp enough to make your lungs happy, the water was so still it looked like polished obsidian, and the scenery serene.
The restaurant on the lake had a bunch of cute begging dogs everywhere. We loved it.
The Reality Check: This was peak summer vacation perfection — quiet, green, and weirdly spiritual in that way that makes you promise to spend more time in nature (promises we're still working on keeping).
After you're grounded, it's time to get your thrill level up. We took a rafting tour that was slightly chaotic, but all around a good time.
We stayed in a super cute A frame cabin from Airbnb. It was perfect.
Leaving Durmitor: The Road That Tests Your Marriage
The drive from Durmitor to Kotor Bay might be the most beautiful — and terrifying — road we've ever navigated (and we've done the Hana Highway). Picture this: hairpin turns carved into cliff-sides, drop-offs that would make a mountain goat nervous, guardrails that apparently took a vacation, and views so spectacular you're torn between taking photos and keeping your eyes on the road. I have video evidence of this white-knuckle adventure (taken with Meta sunglasses), and yes, you can hear me questioning my life choices in real time.
Kotor Bay: Energy Drinks and Cable Cars
Enter Nash from Luxury Balkan — a man with the energy of five espresso shots and the enthusiasm of someone who genuinely loves showing off his backyard. He walked us through Kotor Bay like a local tour guide on fast-forward: hidden beaches that aren't on any tourist map, medieval castles with stories that Disney wishes they'd written, and the brand-new cable car that makes you feel like you're ascending to heaven.
Photo Op Alert: The view from the top of that cable car looking out over the bay? It's the kind of panorama that makes your phone storage cry and your social media followers simultaneously jealous and inspired.
Perast: The Quiet Winner
While Kotor gets all the attention, Perast was our secret favorite — peaceful enough to hear yourself think, pretty enough to make postcards jealous, and refreshingly free of cruise ship crowds. It's the kind of place where you sit at a waterfront cafe, order local wine, and pretend you're the main character in a European art film.
Sarajevo, Bosnia: Where History Lives in Coffee Shops
We dropped off our rental car in Sarajevo (goodbye, freedom; hello, walking legs) and met Mo, another Luxury Balkan guide who knows this city like the back of his hand and the depths of his soul. This wasn't just sightseeing — this was a masterclass in layered history.
The History Lesson You Actually Want to Take: Mo walked us through Sarajevo's incredible story: the assassination that sparked WWI (spoiler: it happened right where you're standing), Ottoman-era markets where you can still buy hand-hammered copper, and the fascinating East-meets-West culture that makes Sarajevo feel like nowhere else on earth.
Sweet Victory: He also introduced us to a tiny dessert shop where everything is handmade by a local woman who treats each pastry like edible art. This was easily the best sweet bite of our entire trip — the kind of discovery that makes you feel like an insider.
Belgrade, Serbia: Free Transit and Rooftop Revelations
From Sarajevo, we partnered with Funky Tours and our guide Stefan for the drive to Belgrade, complete with stops at small Serbian towns that aren't in any guidebook and Tara national park overlooking the river border between Serbia and Bosnia.
Got a stunning shot here. Also had to take Bonine on the ride up the mountain or I would've yacked.
Belgrade Real Talk: This city was... lively. Belgrade is known for it's political protests, but honestly? It didn't affect our tourist experience at all. We navigated the city using free public trolleys and buses (because who doesn't love a transportation win?), and our hotel, Mama Shelter, was sleek enough to make us feel sophisticated and stylish enough to make us forget we'd been wearing the same three outfits for two weeks.
Rooftop Magic: That hotel's rooftop bar made us feel like we were in Berlin — all industrial chic vibes and city lights that twinkled like someone was trying to impress us.
We took a segway tour of Belgrade and a walking tour. We loved Belgrade. It's full of such great neighborhoods. We were unable to find an open public swimming pool despite trying hard. It was hot as hell. As much as we loved Mama Shelter, we'd probably do an AirBnb next time just to feel more like a local.
Timisoara, Romania: The Underrated Plot Twist
Our private Daytrip transfer from Belgrade took us through Vršac, where sunflower fields stretched to the horizon like nature's own yellow carpet, old windmills dotted the landscape like sentries from another century, and we got that wide-open "you're definitely not in Florida anymore" feeling that makes travel addictive.
Surprise Winner Alert: Timisoara was supposed to be just a rest stop — one night, quick recharge, move on. Instead, it became a highlight. The architecture was gorgeous enough to make history buffs weep, the food continued Romania's streak of exceeding our expectations, and it provided the perfect pause before diving deeper into Transylvania. Again, we were served meat platters so large that the doggy bag literally had heft to it.
Brasov & Bran Castle: Dracula Vibes and Pastel Dreams
We rented a car in Timisoara, moved to Brasov and immediately knew we'd found something special. Our Airbnb was positioned perfectly on the main pedestrian strip — think pastel buildings that look hand-painted, mountain backdrops that frame every photo like a natural Instagram filter, and exactly the kind of old-world charm that makes you understand why people romanticize European travel.
Bran Castle Reality Check: Was it touristy? Absolutely. Was it actually scary? Not really. Did it deliver on castle-core aesthetic? 100%. Think less "vampire lair" and more "medieval Pinterest board come to life." The real treasure was Brasov itself — a city so charming it made us start researching Romanian real estate prices (just kidding... mostly).
Pro Tip: Stay longer than you think you need in Brasov. This is the kind of place where you discover that your best travel days are often the unplanned ones.
Bucharest: The Decompression Destination
We wrapped our Balkan adventure in Bucharest — not our favorite stop, but sometimes you need a big city to ease back into civilization. We wandered Old Town like tourists who'd earned their stripes, toasted our incredible journey with Romanian white wine that was surprisingly excellent, and prepared for the culture shock of returning to Orlando.
Jess's Brutally Honest Take
Would I recommend the Balkans for families? YES — with capital letters and multiple exclamation points — BUT only if you're ready for:
Driving adventures that test your navigation skills and your marriage
Unpredictability that becomes the source of your best stories
Enough meat to satisfy a medieval feast (vegetarians, we need to talk strategy)
Experiences that don't fit neatly into Instagram captions
The kind of travel that changes how you see the world
The Bottom Line: This region is for travelers who want to feel like explorers, not tourists. It's for families who can laugh when the GPS says "turn left" but there's literally no road there. It's for people who understand that the best travel stories start with "Well, that didn't go as planned..."
Ready for Your Own Balkan Adventure?
If you're sitting there thinking, "This sounds amazing but also mildly terrifying and I have no idea how to plan something like this" — that's exactly why Jess.Travel exists.
We create custom Balkan adventures with all the incredible experiences and none of the "are we lost in Montenegro again?" moments. Think of us as your travel planning fairy godmother, but with better stories and more realistic expectations.
👉 Ready to start planning? Let's create your perfect Balkan adventure at Jess.Travel
Because life's too short for boring vacations and too long to spend them arguing about directions in foreign countries.
—Jess
P.S. — Yes, we really took 3,128 photos. No, I will not be sharing all of them. You're welcome.
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